Almost a month

since my last post.

Things... weren't pretty. I came to a decision that I had to give R an ultimatum. Either choose me over S, or I was going to stop talking to her because of how much it hurt to think of her being with S. We both cried during this conversation, even if my voice sounded harsh.

By some stroke of luck, she chose me. Recently she's breaking things off with S, or so I'm told.

I feel like she only agreed out of obligation, not because she really loves or cares about me, even though I know she does. I finally have what I've craved for so long and yet I still feel hollow.

She made that decision on the 1st of October. I've been pushing more and more towards her publicly announcing- And of course, by that, I mean making it "facebook official"- that she has a boyfriend, preferably even mentioning that it's me. My paranoid thoughts would all be calmed just by the thought of her and I finally being officially together after all this time.

It gets more complicated, of course.

G and I have gotten relatively closer since we started hanging out. We're going to Homecoming tomorrow- I'm not sure whether as a couple or as friends, she never specified, so, I'm assuming friends until I'm proven wrong. R isn't thrilled about this... in fact, she doesn't want to talk about it at all. It's a little weird to see her being the jealous one.

I think it's a little fucked that she can be jealous of G when she won't even finalize our relationship status.

In other news, I went on omegle to vent to strangers about this situation, and made a new friend. Her name is Sasha. She's Indian, studying in Boston. We both suffer from horrible insomnia. She managed to cheer me up and give me some fantastic advice. Now just to hopefully talk things through with R tomorrow.