I missed school today. My mom went out to a doctors appointment. She called me earlier about going shopping for clothing for the funeral. As you can imagine I wasn't so psyched when she said she wanted to go with the mall with me to help choose. I didn't want to go at all. We got into an argument which I proceeded to hang up on her with when she refused to leave me alone after the fifth time asking. She called back and told me how dysfunctional I was acting, and I told her once again I didn't want to talk about this. This time I told her I was hanging up before doing so.
Here's where my PTSD kicks in. Now that I'm calmed down and realized how immature and bratty I'm being, I go to call her back. She doesn't answer. Six tries and no answer. I'm now freaking out thinking I made her kill herself by arguing with her. I know it's probably not true but ever since my uncle killed himself, over something completely unrelated with me, I'm never able to stand my ground up against someone I care about it because I get scared they'll react badly to me hurting their feelings.
Fuck my life, I hope she's okay, proceeding to call again now.
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