Bowling night.

Turns out I miscalculated. There weren't just three of them. There were ten. One of them had apparently been G's ex, which made me a little uneasy, and among the faces, I finally saw one I could recognize- JF, the one who was going to be the Slender man in the series we were going to create, before I changed the plot up. I took half a Klonopin before G and her mother picked me up, but, J was the real reason I survived in such a terribly social situation.

At first, G and I didn't talk much, being reserved, and whatnot. Some congratulatory highfives and brohooves were given. I managed to bowl a 123 (heh), and, although a low number, it was the highest out of the eleven of us by ten points. I managed to bowl two strikes in a row on the final round. My ball was a blue, about-ten pounder. I couldn't help but notice she picked a lighter shade of blue, mixed with green.

I'm actually not that creepy of a stalker, but, when I'm doing my best not to stare, I have to concentrate on something. I concentrated on the bowling balls for the situation that was at hand. I did, however, catch glimpses of her looking at me.

She, N, and another one, who I believe was a K, braided my hair twice- once at the bowling alley, and another at the home of one of the newer people I met, JJ. Jay jay. Now that I write it down, it looks weird. She mentioned wanting to brush it, too, but, I, being self conscious, wanted to make sure that I didn't look too terrible for the braiding, so I ended up doing it myself. It's the thought that counts, though, right?

We listened to assortments of music, everywhere from my folk punk to Jake's dubstep and 8bit. The guys played a game of pool and discussed their senior pranks while I sat back and kept mostly to myself. I piped in every once in awhile, and, lo and behold, smaller bursts of concentrated wit prevail over an endless stream of barely-thunk thoughts. We watched silly internet videos, including a few that I suggested, and overall had a fun time.

It's so difficult to tell between when G flirts and when she's just being outwardly friendly. Surely she knows by now that I like her, I spelled it out months ago, but, things just seem... odd. Just the comments she made- some about her exs, some about kissing, others about how I was nice, or just the little pipe ins to see if I was having a good time- have me thinking. It feels nice to have someone here in the flesh who doesn't judge me, no matter what. Comments about my depression or PTSD are accepted without wince or hesitation. Either she's great at hiding it, or she can look past to see the person underneath these problems.

I was trying hard to reaffirm that today was a friendship building exercise- which it was. I also managed to accidentally flare up my feelings for G to the point where it was at months ago. Still, R crossed my mind several times during the day, especially when I considered flirting with G. The two of them are so intelligent, so beautiful, so appealing... One of the only problems that I have is that it seems among the girls around here, relationships are a more open topic, even for G, who mentioned the lack of interest of previous boyfriends during the braiding session. I don't want to be reduced to just another sentence of complaint should things not work out. But, I trust G enough for that. I'm considering indoctrinating her into my Inner Circle- the group I can confide in, the ones who know me best, no more than 24 people, most from out of state.

I want to open up to her. I want to tell her about what I've been through, both good and bad, and even though I know she won't judge me, I can't help but feel as if it'd fuck something up. I don't want a relationship built on pity, either.

Once again, I must wait until further contact is made. I also may be helping her and JJ with their Film Festival project in October, so, that's fun, too.