JJ's Basement

is quickly becoming my new favorite hang-out location.

I was invited to hang with C, JF, GD, and JJ again, and, as expected, I agreed. G and her father, who I had just met for the first time then, picked me up. I'd been hearing some stories recently about G from her herself, and, it turns out we have more in common than just interest. Histories of mental abuse, terrible social anxiety, fear of strangers... And to think I wasn't able to tell at first, second, or even my most recent glances. That's a bit before this story, and I'm getting behind myself. U c wut i did thar.

I had been feeling this sudden worry in the pit of my stomach- The realization that I was actually talking to the father of a girl I've had feelings for for so long for the very first time (think that sentence had enough instances of the word 'for'?) made this pit in my stomach. To connect the dots, some of the stories included G's father being a bit... harsh. My anxiety was at least at an 80%, but I had been handling it well with a firm, unwavering handshake that I initiated.

After putting my guitar in the trunk, naturally, he had interviewed, or, rather as it seemed at the time, interrogated me about my life, and I answered as best as I could with as few pauses as possible. I functioned much better than I did when I had met her mother. I work exceptionally well under extreme pressure as it turns out. I think I made a decent first impression, besides accidentally getting out of the car under the pretense that we had arrived at JJ's when in fact we were stopping at their house to get something she had forgotten. I can only imagine how much more difficult a time I would have had if he knew I liked her.. and I think he had a hunch. I later learned that I was the first male friend of hers to shake her fathers hand upon meeting him. It was a pet peeve that the others didn't, so my impression might leave a good, lasting mark.

When we got to JJ's, we just hung out in the basement for awhile, waiting for C and to see if J would show up- Z just broke up with him, I'm still worried, so G and I hatched a plan to snatch him out of his room, even if just for today. JJ's cat doesn't like people, at all. I gave her the regular treatment and she hissed at me. Needless to say I shut up and left her alone after that.

We all played some Mario Party and watched Sherlock Holmes, during which there were several times that JJ was acting creepy to dig under G's skin, which had her constantly leaning into me to avoid him. I didn't have a problem with that. Her power shocked me; she's so petit and fragile looking, yet when it came down to it, she was able to get JJ off of her without too much of a problem. When C and JJ were giving her a hard time and creeping, I tried not to get involved, but made sure they didn't cross the line too far. I never really laid a hand on either of them, but, I think my words reached them just as well. I wouldn't want to take the two of them on; they're both much bigger than I am, but, for her, I think I might have been able to swell up that kind of courage.

It's so difficult to tell when she's flirting. At one point, she had her arm wrapped around J and I, pulled close, calling us her hoes. I expected this to last maybe thirty seconds; it was at least five minutes. We got into little playful poking fits, and in group dogpiles that JJ intiated, was pressed close against her- Thank god I wasn't turned on or my life would be just about over. Someone's lips pressed to her neck; I'm glad it wasn't me, she freaked out, but, I think she thought that it was me. I don't remember if someone else took the responsibility, but, I know it wasn't me, I was just the one who had accidentally gotten punched in the mouth. Fun times. I had poked her in the back of the head, and she asked if I flicked her with a shocked look, to which, I honestly replied that I hadn't. Then JJ flicked her and I'm pretty sure she was certain that it was me. She braided my hair, as such has become the norm, and it was fantastic.

All my life I've wanted long hair, and, now that I have it, I'm thoroughly enjoying it, beit just the cool breeze, or someone playing with it. I'm very protective over my hair and my hats- Normally I don't let anyone touch them. But, for her, I don't think I could have stopped her if I wanted to. I forgot how nice it felt to have contact with others, even if just as friends... Other fingers running through my hair just makes me shiver. The sheer intimacy, even if such a gesture is platonic, was amazing. I don't think I'm going to attempt 'hiding' or deciding upon my feelings for her in her presence anymore.

I intend on being a bit more forward with my own flirting, just to bait and see if she's interested after all this time. Maybe a simple brush of the hand, maybe a tighter squeeze when I'm hugging her, or maybe I'll brave up and do something outlandish for me. I just don't want it to come off as too sexual when I really want her romantically.

I hope R can handle this transition, even I see how sudden I'm going back on what I said, and I'm starting to scare myself. Here I was thinking the Machine was my worst enemy and my heart is setting me up to fall down.