It takes your mind, again

You've got suckers luck, have you given up?
Does it feel like a trial?
Does it trouble your mind the way you trouble mine?
Exile...
It takes your mind, again.
Vilify...
Don't even try.
The National - Exile Vilify


I finally told her how I felt about her. Her response was, and, forgive me, but, the sentence has been echoing in my head for the last few days now, "I don't know what to say..."

This leaves two options. She's either trying to break it to me gently and doesn't want to hurt my feelings by saying no, or, she actually doesn't know how she feels. I hope to God it isn't just a delayed negatory or else I'm going to scream. The entire point of me telling her at that time was so that I wouldn't be waiting for something that would never happen, and I'd have a direct "No." Now here I am, stuck with my own thoughts, taking the advice to not message her first, let her come to her own conclusion and contact me when she's ready. My own brain is starting to tear itself part waiting for an answer. If it somehow does end up being a "I like you, too," then I really have no right to bitch, but, my insecurities are stopping me from accepting that as a possibility.

I feel a bit unimportant. People are telling me how much they need me and want me to be happy, but, I'm easily replaced, and they wouldn't give up half of what they say they would for me.

Yes, I am alone, but, then again I always was for as back as I can tell. I think maybe it's because you were never -really- real to begin with. I just made you up to hurt myself.


And it worked.