Eraser

"Need you. Dream you. Find you. Taste you. Fuck you. Use you. Scar you. Break you."

A summary of all relationships, including friendships, by Trent Reznor. He's the creator of the musical project Nine Inch Nails, recently won an oscar. I've been obsessed with his music ever since discovering it, moreso than I first did with Metallica and My Chemical Romance. I don't think this one is just a phase. It's really, really reaching me. The Downward Spiral alone had been helping me out of my depression. Unfortunately some people are too close minded to realize any sound can be used in music if manipulated correctly.

To save you now, this isn't some lovey dovey post or teenage heart break. This is me explaining my internet persona, the "Eraser." I feel that no matter what, I'm always going to be torn away from people, be it arguments, moving, or death. Unfortunately this applies to the internet as well. I have a few friends who I would trust with my life who I've known for years that I have yet to meet. Sometimes, though, they get erased, just like the people in real life. I chose this name after hearing the song by Trent and realizing it, too, began with the letter 'E,' and was quite fitting.

My friend with the virtual diary I just talked about? She can't remember too much at any given moment. It's pushing me further and further away. I'm afraid I have to erase her as a person in my life and only expect her to be someone who I talk to over Steam. Shame. I really enjoyed conversing with her. Felt as if I helped her, at least a little.

I also am getting relatively closer with some of the ARG broseph/ines. I don't remember if I mentioned them. It's basically a group of people who I met, or indirectly met, through a TribeTwelve group on Facebook. Yes, THAT TribeTwelve, the Slendorminz series. It's interesting to meet people like me. I don't feel like a black sheep as often. That being said, there's a girl a bit older than I am. We both lived near the same city at the same time, yet never met. I thought it was coincidental, and an odd one at that, but, it got even stranger. Apparently she's moving to the same place my mom intends on moving next. If there is such a thing as fate, I think mine's intertwined with hers, even if just to be a face to remember.

Things haven't gone well with that girl I mentioned before. Actually, it's not that they haven't gone well... It hasn't gone at all. I've been unable to see her since or get into contact with her. I'm just a little scared this may be infatuation and nothing more, but, it'd be a damn shame if that feeling went to waste. Ah well. Some friends are trying to get me to be more patient, and I think I need to be. I said I'd include some art, so, here's something I did relatively recently:

Both are relatively inspired by Trent's work. The first comes from the line, "Lay my hands on Heaven, and the Sun, and the Moon, and the stars while the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car" from The Only Time off of Pretty Hate Machine.

 This next one is from the aforementioned Downward Spiral. It's very scratchy, and to be honest, I didn't do much work on it. It was an attempt at discerning my depression from myself as a person, and this one was back in April. I realized that I wasn't the one who wanted to kill myself, it was the depression. It was homicide, not suicide. Not a split personality or anything, but, I sometimes refer to my depression as the 'Machine' now, seeing as it only used logic and lacked feelings that weren't used to make me feel like shit. It's my take on so-called suicide.

BANG.

I'm so glad that part of me is gone. I feel so much better. I'm actually happy. I'm also sad and angry and whatnot but it's better than not feeling anything at all.

To close, I'm linking a few of my closer friends to this blog. I know it was originally for me, but, maybe it can help someone else to understand either me or themselves. I'm not expecting too much.