I know, I can already feel your hatred rising up against me because of the way that I've given into the man by quoting a cliché but... I can't explain it. So here's my half-hazard attempt at describing why I'm feeling so amazing right now.
This probably means nothing to anyone else, but, I waved again today as we passed. Normally, she doesn't see me- My school is crowded as hell, which must be at least half of the 100 billion who lived- at least not until we're already gone. I'd catch glimpses of her just looking up as I make eye contact with this stupid, peppy smile on my face. I could have someone in front of me who I'm ready to kill, but, just seeing her? Then nothing else becomes important, and that's just the sight of her. So, the fates would have it kind that we were moving just a bit slower, and that I managed to see her a bit earlier than usual. I waved, and of course said in that esteemed voice that I sometimes get when talking with her, "Hey!" What a rebel of me, one whole word. I might do something crazy next time, like go out and rob armored trucks. This prompted her to look up, and start waving back, when I had just managed to get a glimpse of her beginning to smile.
All of this happened in a time span of about five seconds and since then, I've felt so amazing. I feel like such a creep, but, I don't think seeing anyone for that short amount of time with that small an interaction has ever made me as happy as I've been.
I don't remember if I've gone into detail about her, but, basically, she's smart, she's beautiful, she doesn't judge, and she has a sense of humor. This may not seem like much, but, around here, in this small town full of fuckheads? She's like a goddess compared to them, but, I'm not stuck up enough to take any credit away from the Lord, who I feel is just pushing me forward. I don't feel like I'm just talking to someone I know- I feel like we're actually friends, even if we haven't hung out very often, or at all. She tends to include me in things that are going on with her. Last night she sent me roughly 7 pictures of her room. Her walls are plastered in cut outs and printings and paintings and drawings. She really didn't have to, but, I feel like she went out of her way to make me familiar with that. There could easily have been other people to message or dick around with, as she's quite the character, at least with the ones who haven't outcasted her. I feel like someone ACTUALLY understands me, someone gets me, they know how I tick, why I do, and all of that. Every time I think I'm doing something intrusive or coming on too strong, it turns out we're just breaking the mold and reaching into a common comfort zone. Hopefully I don't have to force feed myself these next words, but, I'd still be incredibly happy to just remain friends.
Today's been a blur of crazy since then. My friends have made me so happy these past few days. These might just be the best days of my life to date.
I'll dump some art next time- I need to get to sleep, if I can, at all. It's hot as fuck out here and the air conditioner hasn't kicked in yet.
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