She and I cleared everything up. She just needs some non-intimate time to herself. We still get to be just as close, I still get to flirt shamelessly, still get to express my feelings. I have no idea why I was that upset about this. I feel so silly for it. I can't be mad at her for not being clear about it- It's such an insignificant thing looking back on it. Here I thought I was going to be losing my best friend without a chance in the world to ever fix it... Turns out she just wanted a bit of space to think some things over.
She also said a few things that... have my hope back up. She made her thoughts clear this time. She needs that non-intimate time to think things through about the situation... That and she doesn't quite think she's ready for me to be as much as I want to be for her. I told her we could always make it a little less serious to relieve the pressure and work towards me being that knight in shining armor. She also said that when the time does come where she would be read for something again, I'd be the first person she told, and, well, that made me feel so much better. This means if the time does come, I'm definitely going to know and have the opportunity back, if she's comfortable with it...
She was crying last night. It was heart breaking. I only know about two of her boyfriends in detail and they both didn't deserve her yet managed to use her. I don't understand what kind of monster it takes to do that. She's such a sweet girl, she's so kind, such a warm soul. They were fucked up people, and they've hurt her badly... My drive to make up for this and show her just how much she's worth is back. I'll get to that after I've comforted her through the rough times with the mood and what she's been through.
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