Third time writing the same post

Everytime a little bit less to say. To summarize something long into something short, Voltaire's "The Last Word" wraps up the way I feel about my father, entirely. "Screw suicide, I'm going to remain on this world to watch the one who drove me to it wither away"

I honestly can't believe how much I care about R. I don't know if love exists at my age or for my person but I think this is it. That perfect harmony I spoke of is ringing so melodically for me, but, not as much for her. She's been going through some issues I don't feel right disclosing here as it's her business, not any of yours. She makes me feel so loved, so cared about, so happy, so amazing, so special, as if maybe, just, maybe, I'm worth something after all. I just hope I can make her feel a fraction of the positive that she managed to bestow on me. The way she talks, it gives me this odd feeling. She'll protest this of course, saying I'm looking too far into something, or that there's no guarantee for the future, but, it honestly doesn't seem a matter of 'if,' 'can,' or 'will.' It's a matter of 'when?' That feeling of impending doom that accompanies me with my anxiety attacks, it's the exact opposite. It feels like something amazing is going to happen. No sense of worry at all. I just need to wait for us to become something, and, that seems very pressuring, but, there's no pressure at all in this way I feel. It doesn't have to, it'd just be nice. Something in my gut tells me that when things are worked through, and she's feeling better, I still have that chance.

Until then, I intend on being the best damn friend and human being I can possibly be for her. If at the end, she does decide to try and become something, well, I do luck out. There's no guarantee of course, but, this feeling's hard to rid of, and, quite frankly, I don't think I want to, even if things don't work out.

So... I assume this is love.

Now I see why people go crazy over it. Anything for this feeling. Anything to see her happy. And, if those two mix, that harmony is going to become even more beautiful.