Thanks bastards, you made me what I am

Thanks bastards, I took the goods and ran
I took the goods and ran
I took the goods and ran


Thanks, Bastards - Mischief Brew


Had the hearing in front of the magistrate today. I had a miserable time, my anxiety was worse than it was in months. The AP from my school, this two-faced bitch who was the first one to accuse me of smoking pot when I was talked to about my school absences in eighth grade- Hell, she INSISTED upon it- who, near the end of the hearing, tried telling me that my extreme debilitating social anxiety was no big deal, as if I was trying to use it an as excuse, when I was simply taking responsibility for not handing in a note so my mother wouldn't have to.

You know who they put the blame on despite my pleading?

Her.

I fucking hate this town, this school district, this county. I went into a depressive episode earlier. I was managed to be calmed down, but, hell, I'll admit... that knife was pretty persuasive.

Depressive thoughts in-bound.
It'd be so simple. No more of this. No more hurting other people, no more getting others in trouble. I'd just die and that would be it. No more wasting money, no more causing grief for my mother and the school district. Just plunge it into your chest, it's all over, you'll die so fast it'll feel like a pinprick.


I decided against it. I know there's more to this life than just this shit, even if I can't see it right now. Maybe I need to take my own advice. Maybe it will get better.

We got off with just a fine, 30 per month for... I don't know how long.

Thank you, Lord, thank you friends, thank you everyone whose been supportive of me for everything.